There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
