someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize