I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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