omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
