I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who died my cat blue again?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize