So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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