his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
