it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
