I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
