Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Of course I have a pirate flag
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
