found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
