I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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