Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
