names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize