here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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