You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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