Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize