and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
