I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
