Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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