I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
