So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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