On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
