First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize