can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
