Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
