You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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