you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
