i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
