listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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