I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
