I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
