We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
