Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
