I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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