Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
