"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
