Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
