the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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