Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
