Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
