I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
