so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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