Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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