Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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