My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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