you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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