I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
