FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
