after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
