i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
