What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
