he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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