I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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