Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
