Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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