Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
