I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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