so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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