you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
