I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
