dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
