My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
