what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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