Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
