I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
