Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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