Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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