She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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