Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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