Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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