If i come over, it means nothing
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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