Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize