Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
