I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
