cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize