i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize