I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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