This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
