Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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