I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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