I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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